The thing I’m going to have to get used to re: living with K is that she has to live her life, for the most part, as a male.
She’s transgender, and although she’s on hormones, doesn’t appear female in her outward appearance in everyday life.
To everyone but our close friends, she is a man.
A forty-six year old man.
It’s amusing when we’re out somewhere in public — a restaurant, for instance — and people assume I’m out with my father (as I’m only twenty-six).
Then she feeds me bits of food and I lean in for a kiss on the lips; I can just imagine the looks on their faces, if I were looking at them, haha.
I’m fine with the fact that sometimes I’ll have to refer to her as my boyfriend (and eventually, hopefully, my husband). I love K and her being born as a male doesn’t change that.
Star Trek Into Darkness was bitchin’ as hell, must watch again asap
it is rly hot in my apt and I dunno why
gotta finish up packing this weekend
just one more week of commuting to Indy for work, thank goodness
moving in seven days ahhh ♡
I have no money.
I don’t just have no money, I have negative money.
Because I don’t have insurance, my antidepressants are $113 instead of $10. That on top of the fact my internet and electric bill are due (my ONLY two bills, period, not including rent), well, let’s just say I’m having to borrow money now.
I haven’t had to do that in a year.
Life is nothing but constant punishment.
I don’t live frivolously at all. I go out to eat at a fast food place with friends maybe once every two weeks. Maybe see a movie once a month. That’s it.
I’d love to end it all, but the hope of starting a life with K is preventing me from doing that right now. If that doesn’t work, I’m fucked. I don’t even know if I could afford to live in a trailer at this point.
I wish I was privileged enough for therapy, or even could just go to the doctor to get an evaluation to see if different meds may work better for me, but I won’t have insurance for six months and I live in the U.S. where you’re fucked in that regard, so there goes that idea.
The real world is a cruel, cold place, and I can only hope it ends swiftly and sooner rather than later if these are ‘the best years’.